Fear is primarily an indicator, informant, recruiter, and protector. Its ultimate goal is to prevent death, making death the root of all fears and their branches. Thus, engaging with the subject of death can be part of the solution to fear disorders. When death isn't taboo, it helps free the mind and neutralize troubling thoughts that, among other things, lead to fear disorders or amplify them. Yet, we don't want to erase our inherent fear of death, but rather use it wisely to enhance life.
Therapists don't usually give death a central place in therapeutic work, and generally, Western society tends to shy away from engaging with death. Dr. Irvin Yalom, a psychiatrist and one of the leading figures in existential psychotherapy, argues that therapy without reference to death is partial and deficient. He states, "Death awareness leads to an understanding that we can only live in the present – the present is here and now, and there's no guarantee for future events." Yalom adds, "When we are aware of death, we are full of gratitude and appreciation for the millions of facts of our existence... learning to die correctly means learning to live correctly."
Yalom, therefore, emphasizes the fact that awareness of death helps distinguish between the essential and the trivial, and teaches us how to live more correctly. In describing his ideas, Yalom uses a beautiful and heart-touching metaphor:
"The black backdrop that death provides us, highlights the soft, delicate, and pure colors of life"
My experiences over the years have taught me that Yalom's assertions are correct. There's room to address the topic of death in conversation with people undergoing personal processes with a coach or therapist at all ages, for adolescents and adults. Yet such engagement is particularly required for those entering the second half of their life.
So with every type of fear that we'll deal with throughout the book, we'll know that at the root of it all is the fear of death. This knowledge alone can help us look more precisely at each fear and examine it in a rational way.
The body has sophisticated mechanisms to combat external or internal threats, activating various signals, most of which are transmitted through the autonomic, involuntary nervous system: changes in heart rate and blood pressure, chest tightness, butterflies in the stomach, dry mouth, restlessness, muscle tension, and heightened body alertness. This emergency response allows us to make quick decisions about how to act.
We all possess innate, beneficial fears, such as fear of heights and loud noises, as well as acquired fears developed through experience and learning, also known as conditioned fears. For example, if a dog bites you, your body will react with alertness whenever you see a dog, now associating it with danger. It's worth noting that the strength of this association and the intensity of the symptoms vary between cases, typically correlating with the intensity of emotions experienced. This learning process is rapid – even a lab mouse with low intelligence can develop conditioned fear quickly.
If these innate and acquired fears aren't managed properly, they can escalate into what I term - 'fear disorders,' as follows:
Anxiety: Excessive fear characterized by an extreme reaction, even without a threatening factor justifying such a response.
Anxiety comprises four primary components:
The emotional component: This is predominantly expressed as fear, a feeling that compels us to run away, even when we don't know where to escape or how. Feelings of helplessness also arise, intensifying the fear even further.
The mental component: Worries and thoughts that everything is about to go wrong and that a terrible event is imminent. These thoughts plague us incessantly, occurring during the day, in seizure attacks, or before we sleep.
The physical component: Numerous physical symptoms of anxiety exist, with the most common being muscle tension, abdominal pain, headaches, back pain, diarrhea, palpitations, chest and abdominal pressure, electric shocks in hands and feet, sweating, and trembling.
The behavioral component: Avoidance of the anxiety-inducing factor. This avoidance provides short-term relief but can become problematic in the long run if it exacerbates anxiety in the same area or if complete avoidance is impossible. In many cases, total avoidance is nearly unattainable, and attempting to avoid the factor may lead to a complete disruption of life.
Phobia: A type of anxiety related to a specific object or situation, such as flights, elevators, or snakes. Phobias are accompanied by physical symptoms of anxiety when encountering the fear-inducing factor, leading to avoidance of these situations in the future.
Anxiety attacks: Sudden episodes of intense fear, accompanied by rapid pulse, chest tightness, and feelings of suffocation. The individual may believe that something terrible is about to happen and might seek medical help.
Anxiety disorder: Characterized by recurring anxiety attacks and a persistent fear of their recurrence.
Generalized anxiety disorder: Involves excessive and disproportionate worry about various issues over an extended period of time.
Panic attacks: Marked by frequent episodes of intense fear, accompanied by severe physical symptoms that resemble a heart attack or the feeling of losing one's sanity.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): OCD is characterized by uncontrollable, repetitive thoughts and accompanying rituals, which form the compulsive aspect of the disorder. People with OCD are trapped in an obsessive-compulsive cycle that is difficult to break free from. An invasive-catastrophic thought arises, such as "something terrible can happen if...," leading to distress manifested as stress, shame, disgust, or heightened fear. To alleviate these feelings, there's a strong urge to perform a ritual or compulsive behavior, such as hand washing, showering, double-checking, or repeating specific words. The ritual provides temporary relief, but the obsessive thought inevitably returns.
Common types of OCD include: contamination worries; fear of environmental disasters: thoughts of causing physical harm to others, particularly loved ones (e.g., mothers fearing harm to their baby); a need for symmetry and precision; an urge to confess in detail; aneed for certainty or constant reassurance; hoarding and saving items; moral dilemmas and religious preoccupations (e.g., uncertainty about properly performing religious commandments): unwanted sexual thoughts, such as incest, unfaithfulness, or voyeurism.
Post-trauma: Anxiety that occurs intermittently or incessantly following a single or recurring event that posed a genuine threat to life or was characterized by extreme stress.
Summary
Every person has innate and healthy fears, as well as acquired fears, which can be beneficial if they pertain to justified concerns. However, most people will experience at least one unwanted fear disorder in their lives, not because they are cowardly or inherently anxious, but due to lack of proper guidance or incorrect guidance.
Simultaneously, various fears, even those deemed natural by society, may indeed indicate sloppy thinking
The good news
It's definitely possible to eliminate and dissolve all the above-mentioned fear disorders, and they're not an inevitable decree that we must live with. Moreover, with proper work and the establishment of a deep and healthy relationship with fear, it's possible to channel it for our benefit in every area of life. Fear is not a system error, but rather a significant partner in it.
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